When my hands held sakura
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: This is the sequel to 'The one you love the best'. These are Subaru's feelings after he meets the boy who marked him with death and their bet has been placed. The boy comes back and he is confused even more by his actions.


Disclaimer: TB is by Clamp and no other.  
  
Watashi no te ga...  
  
When my hands held sakura. (sequel to 'the one you love the best')  
by Miyamoto Yui  
  
It was then that my grandmother took one look at my hands and stared at them in pure, untranquiled horror. It was as if she would stop breathing if she looked any more, so instead, she just patted me and took my hand.  
  
"Nani desu ka, Oba-san? Nani desu ka?" And I began to cry as she tugged my hands as if I would slip away from her even though I was obedient to her heed. "Nani desu ka?"  
  
"Warui...mono, Subaru-san." She had mumbled to me. But she wasn't talking to me at all. She was trying to keep calm even though her trembling hands were giving away her inhibitions for this plight.  
  
And I couldn't understand.  
Nothing at all...  
  
As she sat me up near our shrine, she started to chant. "Just sit there, Subaru-san."  
I sat there steadily and looked around.  
"Don't look around," she hissed. "Now, stand up."  
I stood up as she said.  
"Hold out your hands to me."  
It was then that I realized what that boy did to me.  
  
The mark of a five-point star decorated the top of my hands.  
Gently, my grandmother took my hands and looked at me. "Do you know what this mark is? Do you know who gave this to you?"  
"No." I shook my head. "A boy in a high school uniform?"  
My grandmother sighed and touched my cheek. With tears in her eyes, she shook her head. "You have been marked by death. By the sakurazukamori."  
  
Death...  
sakurazukamori?  
  
my favorite flower...  
it makes no sense...  
  
"Death?" I looked at her worriedly. "Am I going to die soon?"  
She wouldn't answer me.   
Tugging on her sleeves desparately, I looked up crying, "What does this mean, Grandmother? Tell me."  
"Subaru-san..."  
  
But she wouldn't tell me. She just patted my head and gave me gloves to put on. "Don't show, Hokuto this."  
Nodding readily, I replied, "Hai!"  
  
Then, I left the shrine to run down the stairs. Filled with tears, I wiped them with my sleeve.  
  
I smell like sakura...  
  
An image of that boy came to mind and I became frightened, but I kept on running downwards.  
  
"Will I die so soon?" I shakily asked myself.  
  
Demo...demo...  
There are so many things...  
  
Holding my fists harder than before, I felt the leather on my hands never to breathe again.  
  
I'm like my gloves. I'll hide behind this mark and...and...  
but I couldn't finish my thought.  
  
That boy...  
I actually liked that boy...  
that strange smile...  
and yet I could feel his loneliness too through that shock...  
  
At the foot of the stairs, Hokuto-chan tilted her head. "Subaru-kun?"  
I wanted to run past her, but she caught my hand...that damned gloved hand...  
"Why are you wearing these?" she said with a laugh.  
  
I wish it were funny...  
  
"Take them off, Subaru-kun." she said.  
  
My twin sister then said to me as she brushed my tears away, "Why are you sad, Subaru? You shouldn't cry. You should smile."  
"But...but..." I couldn't say it.  
  
Grandmother's face...  
I can't tell you, Hokuto-chan...  
I'm...I'm going to die...  
  
In frustration, I began to softly wail because I just didn't have the heart to say what had happened.   
Hokuto-chan smiled at me. Then, she cupped my face between her hands and looked at me. "No matter what, I hate it when Subaru-kun is sad. So always smile."  
  
For her. Only for her did I smile.  
  
That night, as Hokuto-chan left my room after failing to find out about my hands, I drifted off to sleep.  
Half-asleep, a gentle hand was placed on my cheek. Looking up, I saw the boy who had marked death on me.  
  
I didn't scream or squirm at all. I felt no fear.  
He felt so warm...  
  
But he wasn't smiling at all. In the darkness, I saw the wistful look that seemed so sad.  
He leaned down to kiss me. Putting his thumb on my lips, he chuckled softly, "You won't remember me. And when you do, it will be too late."  
  
I was red with embarrassment and clenched my fists in pain.  
"Why? Why did you do this to me?" I had asked without knowing if I really had.  
  
"Because..." he began to grin with a pained smile still looking down into my face. "Fate is cruel."  
  
Whispering into my ear again, he said, "If I didn't, you wouldn't be able to fulfill your mission."  
  
"Mission?" I questioned.  
  
He nodded, then he began to cry as he hugged me. "Subaru-kun?"  
"Yes?"  
  
The boy with no name knew mine...  
  
"When you grow up, remember me. Please." Crying even more, his voice pleaded as he continued to calmly embrace me. "Please. Remember me."  
  
"I promise..." I mumbled as I drifted to sleep with the curtains flipping because of the wind that had blown in.  
  
When I woke up, I wondered what I had dreamt about. And my eyes began to be filled with tears as I found petals of sakura on the floor with the curtain freely blowing in front of me.  
  
Patting my cheeks in disbelief, I asked, "What? What am I crying about?"  
  
What am I trying to remember?  
  
My heart began to ache and as I placed my hand on my heart, I saw the black glove. Smiling to myself as Hokuto-chan had asked me, I did so.  
  
But as I looked at the sakura petals floating around and falling like tears, my own fell as I picked them up with both of my hands. Sitting on my bed while looking down at the pink petals, I again asked myself, "Why? Why am I crying?"   
  
And somehow I knew deep inside of myself that my smiles would be overpowered by my love for sakura...lonely as it may be...  
  
Yes, someday...  
  
---  
Author's note: I've even MORE of a fascination for sakura by now. Heh.  
  
Just a personal note, but the second to the last line was referring to his relationship with Hokuto would someday be overpowered for his love for Seishirou...  
there I go again integrating things...  
  
And was this the promise never said? * laughs * guess we'll never know.  
  
Seishirou...subaru-kun...@_@ 


End file.
